You are too.
At nights when silence filled my room, the thoughts that resonate inside my head are rambling. And to lessen those thoughts I just stare at my phone and open Facebook to look for newest memes — that way makes everything more soothing, more welcoming.
And as I scroll down the feed, I found that exact post that could communicate my thought. A post that can explain those thoughts I failed to put into words. Suddenly the mood switched from laughing at those shallow memes, now I found myself contemplating.
The truth is the reason for disregarding that thought is not because I would not want to confront it. It is because I am out of words. I can’t describe it. No matter how I try to write down those words I end up ignoring it.
The Facebook post tells about the temporary person and how the writer would never want again to let that person in his life.
Like the writer, I no longer wanted a temporary person in life. I no longer want another person who would just make me question my worth. That post suddenly raises the issues I did ignore for a while.
I have a fair share of heartbreak caused by unwanted goodbyes. I could recount those friends I used to have the best moments with my life and now we’re not talking anymore. I vaguely remember the day when I watched our friendship sink.
It’s okay! It’s normal! I told myself a hundred times when it first happened that it’s normal even my parents lost a friend which they still long for answers why?
For years, I have contented myself with the explanation that the friend I used to talk every day leave because that’s the way it is: people come and go. That no matter how much I wanted to ask why it has to end? I just learned to teach myself to use that quote as my mantra so I can move without a churn.
And when I did, it’s effective. For a while, I had forgotten the feeling of being left behind. It was effective, but sadly, not in the long run.
Because it may look like it was calming but that kind of escape was intoxicating. Nights will come that you would blame yourself for not exerting efforts to save that friendship and letting it fade into gray.
The toxicity of the thoughts would visit you at the times when you are not ready, at times when you are very vulnerable. It’s scary because you have no power over it. You would feel so powerless that the only thing you do to save yourself is to cry before you sleep.
Blaming myself didn’t help and so I thought blaming them for being a temporary person would help me because it’s their fault.
Years have passed of telling myself that it is their fault. I used that weapon to take control of the situation, for a moment I thought I was winning but little did I know I unwittingly fuel the fire inside me, burning all the bridges that I once knew.
I did not realize that the weapon I thought that would help me resolve the issues I have only exacerbated it.
No matter how damaged I am for that circumstance. I, too, am a temporary person in someone else life.
I could be a childhood friend the name you use to call. I could be classmate they used to hang out with, I could be a potential lover that stopped chatting, I could be a student who attends the class 30 minutes late and I could be the stranger that you meet on the hallways. In short, I could be anyone but still, in the end, I fall short in that category — I am temporary, and accusing them temporary is unfair.
Blaming them allowed me to build walls for my surroundings. Walls that I can’t easily break because I am afraid that the people. Walls that for years, made me isolated myself from people who are trying to reach out. Walls that bruised people trying to connect with me.
Until I realized that despite those strong walls covering me, despite all the connecting bridges that now turned into ashes. The true people that love me will be there and will find a way no matter how hard it is.
They will manage to find a way despite this obstacle.
And that exact moment I knew I was temporary yet I am important.
Acceptance.
If there is one thing I learned when I acknowledge that I am temporary too it is, acceptance.
Things work the way how it should happen. The moment that I learned how to acknowledge the process. I can finally say that I wasn’t the same person. I was completely renewed.
That when I lost someone again for whatever reason. I no longer have to ask why? I no longer have to content myself with a self-made explanation from my broad imagination. I no longer have to do those things I used to do. I just have to remind myself that this friendship sails for a reason and it sinks for a reason
The moment I learned to acknowledge things and let go- the walls that were so hard to break was shattered immediately.
At that very moment, I learned that I might have lost several friends but I have found those friends that I need. Someone who would embrace me in moments when I can’t even love myself. Someone that would stay regardless of how temporary I am. Someone that sees permanence, someone that long for my existence.
Someone who brings me to a place where I belong. A place that I would feel very much comfortable and welcomed.
Now, no matter how temporary I am with their life, I know spending it with them is all worthwhile.
Family, friends.
Soon they will leave. Soon they will be gone but I know that I held with them the dearest memories in my heart. That even though they are not physically here, or they are completely gone I will treasure it for the rest of my life.
Family and friends.
Yes, they are temporary.
I mean who or what else in this world is forever? Everything that seems to be forever in this world is temporary in disguise.
Even me, I am a temporary person too.
But I am not just temporary. I am a temporary person and I know I am temporary but I am given importance so I make every day a remarkable journey.
